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“人上人”入门教程 |
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    <p>不知从何时开始，人类这一物种发生了进化，分化为 “普通人” 和 “人上人” 两种。今天分享一下如何成为 “人上人”。</p>
<p>要想成为 “人上人”，首先需要知道什么是 “人上人”? 为此写了下《“人上人” 评判指南 —— 初版》</p>
<hr>
<h1>"人上人"评判指南</h1>
<p>特征一：一般要么是出身优秀、要么是经历过一些苦难。</p>
<p>特征二：总喜欢拿出自己的经历:“我当年如何如何”</p>
<p>特征三：特别喜欢攻击他人：你有没有反思你为什么不能年入百万？别找理由，就是你废物。</p>
<p>特征四：十分固执、不听他人解释:“我天生残疾、跑不过博尔特”“我看你就是懒、不训练、大家都是人你为什么跑不过博尔特？”</p>
<p>特征五：经常通过网络、媒体等渠道，以自己为文章表现自己 &quot;人上人&quot; 的独特之处。</p>
<p>特征六：死要面子，就算说的话很逆天也不愿承认自己犯错，不接受任何批判。</p>
<p><b>总结：你别给我说其它的，总之你就是废物</b></p>
<hr>
<h1>"人上人"指导手册</h1>
<p>如何成为一名合格的 “人上人”？相信跟着我的步骤走，你会成为一名合格的 “人上人”:</p>
<h2>一、努力发现自己的不同之处</h2>
<p>首先需要努力发现自己的不同之处，符合以下条件最好:</p>
<p>一，出身优秀。出身越优秀、就能成为越高贵的 &quot;人上人&quot;，当与人对话时，一定要尽可能的把话题转移到 &quot;自己的优秀&quot; 上，尽可能让对方对你产生崇拜之情、以此来稳固自身地位。除此之外，有条件的话可以在互联网、媒体上分享自己的成功之道、并对 “普通人” 进行批判。</p>
<p>二、经历非凡，最好是人生过得非常悲惨 (具体不进行举例)，每当遇到困难的人的时候，不要进行帮助、要发挥 &quot;嘲讽之力&quot;: 我当时 xxxxx, 我 xxxxx, 一个字：你就是废物。注意：自己的经历越悲惨越具有说服力。</p>
<p>但是如果以上两点都不符合怎么办？不要着急，要善于发现自己的不同和优势：试着去嘲讽不如自己的人、并宣传自己的优秀之处。其实根本不需要自身有什么能力，只要你善于挑别人的小毛病、你就能成为 &quot;人上人&quot;:</p>
<p>示范：班里成绩第一的同学剥鸡蛋的速度比你慢一秒，你该如何做？</p>
<p>参考答案：进行嘲讽:“剥鸡蛋这么慢，一看就是娇生惯养、缺乏技巧。光学习好有什么用？我啊，在剥鸡蛋上很有一套，剥鸡蛋这么慢、我看你就是学傻了的 fw。”</p>
<hr>
<h2>二、善于说教和联想</h2>
<p>我们需要有丰富的想象力、有 “鸡蛋里挑骨头” 的能力和 “放大错误” 的技巧，并善于讲述自己的故事。</p>
<p>练习：校长在说话时咳嗽了一声怎么做？</p>
<p>参考答案:“校长讲话时咳嗽，这明显就是缺乏礼仪教育。不像我、每天在学校里学习讲礼貌。校长你就是个 fw, 假如人人都像你一样？社会哪里会有礼仪？甚至可能造成飞沬传播病毒的危机、地球毁灭 —— 都怪你校长。”</p>
<hr>
<h2>三、善于攻击别人</h2>
<p>要充分发挥自己的攻击性、别人说什么都要坚持唱反调和说教。最好的是，能表现出自己的正义和英勇。</p>
<p>练习：小明说：我今天吃了饭。</p>
<p>参考答案：你说得对，但是非洲有数以万计的儿童在遭受饥饿。我不是说你吃饭不对、但是非洲儿童还在受饿。你还是过得太幸福了，不像我、每天少吃一点、给世界多留点粮食。我的慈悲之心你永远不能理解。</p>
<hr>
<h2>四、时刻保持着面子第一、一定要要面子</h2>
<p>一个合格的 “人上人”，是一定需要在意面子的、绝对不能承认自己的错误。</p>
<p>练习：你说 1+1=3，遭到他人反对、你该怎么做？</p>
<p>参考答案：你根本没理解我的意思，只是停留在数学表面。你还是过得太安逸、缺乏创新力了，我都为你觉得可悲、只死守课本上的知识、不进行额外思考。试想社会都是你这种人、那该多么糟糕。</p>
<hr>
<h2>五、坚持上网进行训练</h2>
<p>在有了基本的能力后，我们需要训练，而互联网就是最棒的训练场。以下是一些建议:</p>
<p>一，寻找网上一些伤心的话题、对话题发出者进行嘲讽。比如你可以在募捐视频下嘲讽发起人赚钱少、嘲讽其不认真工作；再比如你可以在残疾人的视频底下讲述自己体育测试的风采、表现自己的优越性… 诸如此类</p>
<p><b>最后，一定别忘了一句话：你还是太幸福了、别找这样那样的理由、总之你就是废物</b></p>
<hr>
<p>好了，在看过本文章之后，相信你已经成为了一名见习 “人上人”，接下来的表演需要你自己完成了，加油！</p>

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          <ol class="toc"><li class="toc-item toc-level-1"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">1.</span> <span class="toc-text">&quot;人上人&quot;评判指南</span></a></li><li class="toc-item toc-level-1"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.</span> <span class="toc-text">&quot;人上人&quot;指导手册</span></a><ol class="toc-child"><li class="toc-item toc-level-2"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.1.</span> <span class="toc-text">一、努力发现自己的不同之处</span></a></li><li class="toc-item toc-level-2"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.2.</span> <span class="toc-text">二、善于说教和联想</span></a></li><li class="toc-item toc-level-2"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.3.</span> <span class="toc-text">三、善于攻击别人</span></a></li><li class="toc-item toc-level-2"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.4.</span> <span class="toc-text">四、时刻保持着面子第一、一定要要面子</span></a></li><li class="toc-item toc-level-2"><a class="toc-link"><span class="toc-number">2.5.</span> <span class="toc-text">五、坚持上网进行训练</span></a></li></ol></li></ol>
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